I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize