WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
