oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
