so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
please come you make the beer taste better
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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