i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize