I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
and she was petting her beer can
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
