I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
