im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
