so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
