I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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