did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
