Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
