Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
