I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Houston, we have a blender
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
