I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
