So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
