I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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