We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
