Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
