he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize