I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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