Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
