I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
