We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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