yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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