the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize