Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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