My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
