Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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