hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
