I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His hands were made for my vagina.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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