If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
