dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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