dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
