I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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