Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
