How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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