Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
