I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
