They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
