my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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