the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
