the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
