I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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