I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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