it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
