thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
