Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
