You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im holly from the hills drunk
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
