Kiss
Puke
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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