If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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