The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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