You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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