when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
