I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
