I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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