We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
