Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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