I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize