I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize