If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
