"it" just moved
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
