Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
