i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
