he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
