LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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