Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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