OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
