why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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